On Not Giving Up.

Life is hard. That’s the first cliché I am offering in this post and I’m sure it won’t be the last. But it’s true. Life is hard when people we love are struggling or when they die. Life is hard when we are looking for a job. Life is hard when we’re rejected from a school or by a prospective partner. Life is hard when we don’t get enough sleep. Life is hard when we don’t have the time or the money to do the things we wish we could. Life is hard when it doesn’t go as planned. Life is hard when the legal system fails to punish your rapist. Pain is relative (that’ll be the second cliché).

dismissal

I’ve had a rough day and a half. Nothing happened that I didn’t expect, but being immersed in the pain has it at the forefront of my mind. I’ve done a lot of sleeping and had a lot of nightmares. Now I’ve been awake for a little while and I’m overwhelmed.

This will pass. Humans are so adaptable, and I’ll get used to this. I think sometimes there’s no amount of preparation that can be done to adequately prepare us for disappointment because despite its inevitability it’s still disappointing. All I can do sometimes is accept that I’m hurting, that I will not leave the house today despite my one small, reasonable goal of going for a bike ride outside, but I will adjust. I can bike inside even though I don’t want to. I can cook dinner because I need to eat. I can keep myself awake so I can sleep tonight. I can write a post, even if it’s a little vague and a little disoriented.

My fight for justice is not over even if I lost yesterday, and knowing that, I can know that my fight to get off this couch will not be over even if I lose today. I was so happy 40 hours ago, and soon enough I’ll be so happy again. And I’ll have other days that I spend on the couch, too, and that’s just how it goes.

Things can change. Change can be hard, it can be necessary, and I think it never comes without some growing pains.

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