November 10, 2016, 3:10 pm — Waiting to Hear What’s Next

Note to self. You are having a hard time focusing and being productive and asking for what you need. That is okay. I know you’re doing your best. Just keep trying to have clear, specific goals. Give yourself breaks and give yourself a break. Right now your one and only goal and thing to try to focus on is to get the last 20 or so pages done on that one job in the next two hours. If you do that, you have a manageable amount of work for Monday and the weekend will be peaceful. You are capable of doing this. So do your best. Don’t beat yourself up that your best right now is not the best you have ever been. No one taught you how to deal with being raped and realizing it and reporting it. Keep going.

(You will quickly see that between my statements and communications with the detective and other parties were the hardest on me. When I thought I might get an update or progress might be made, I had an extraordinarily hard time focusing at work or being productive in my everyday life, though being productive was what kept me sane. This led to me confiding in some of my colleagues, finding a quieter space for me to go when I get overwhelmed, and ultimately talking to my boss and letting her know that I may not seem like myself. Finding the balance between professionalism and wellness was a challenge, especially as a young professional, but I found that the people I work with are very human, very compassionate, and talking to them gave me an enormous sense of relief. I had struggled with dealing with this at work in the past, thinking that it would be unprofessional for me to talk about my rape at work, but I found a way to do that without feeling uncomfortable. Finding people to talk to and for once in my life asking for help was important for me.)

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