Update. I wasn’t overwhelmed thinking about it today, but I felt weighed down by it still. It was a particularly slow day at work and the hours where I had nothing to do were very hard to fill with anything but sleep. Now that I’m off it’s hitting me hard that tomorrow I’m meeting with the prosecutors, spending another day on trains to secretly go to NJ and back. I’m glad this meeting is later so I can at least sleep in on this day that’s being deducted from my vacation time, but the county prosecutor’s office is much further and less convenient to get to than the local police department. Very very very grateful beyond words for the friends who will be giving me rides tomorrow. It means everything. I’m very sensitive to friends who didn’t respond to the update but I know it’s not actually personal.

I stepped in a big puddle and now my socks are soaked. It sucks to think that because his manipulation was successful and his lies were believed that could lead to his getting away with it. I sometimes desperately wish I knew what he thinks about all of this. But I guess that’s not new. For a long time I wished I knew what he really thought and knew that I didn’t and couldn’t because he’s incapable of honesty.