November 21, 2016 2:39 pm — After E’s Statement, Waiting

Status update. E spoke to the detective today. Seems like she didn’t have too much to offer from what she told me. Still anxiously awaiting an update from him. I forced myself to run and couldn’t wait for it to end the whole time. Usually if I don’t feel like running once I start I love it. Not today. Not lately. I had a panic attack in the bathroom and was sure there was someone in the house. I was ready to fight for my life. I was pretty sure I was going to die in that bathroom, with no windows to escape through, a horrible, vicious death. They would stab me with my kitchen knives that I had considered returning. It would be ironic. I was so sure there was someone there. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to move and be late for work. Haven’t had a panic attack that debilitating since 2012. Also have I mentioned yet that I feel numb vaginally again like how I did when I first felt comfortable enough to let [boyfriend] touch me? Yep. Just like how it used to be. Fucking great.

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